Jethro, this is a great question — and honestly one that more people should ask.
IT professionals deal with constant urgency, ambiguity, and high‑stakes problem‑solving. The fastest way to irritate them is to ask questions that feel vague, accusatory, or like you’re testing them.

So here are elegant, respectful, semiotically‑aware questions that signal good faith, curiosity, and professionalism — without fear, shame, ridicule, or patronising undertones.

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1. Questions that respect expertise without sounding deferential

• “Could you help me understand the reasoning behind this setup?”
• “What’s the most important constraint you’re working with here?”
• “Is there anything I should know so I don’t accidentally make your job harder?”
• “What’s the cleanest way for a non‑expert to interact with this system?”

These show humility without self‑deprecation.

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2. Questions that avoid blame and focus on process

• “What’s the usual workflow when something like this happens?”
• “How do you prefer issues to be reported so they’re easiest to triage?”
• “Is this behaviour expected, or does it suggest something upstream?”

IT people love clarity. They hate witch‑hunts.

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3. Questions that acknowledge complexity

• “What variables affect this system the most?”
• “Is there a simple mental model I can use to understand this better?”
• “What’s the difference between what I see and what’s actually happening under the hood?”

This shows respect for the invisible labour.

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4. Questions that avoid emotional landmines

These avoid implying incompetence, negligence, or personal responsibility:

• “Is this a limitation of the system or the configuration?”
• “Is this something that tends to happen occasionally?”
• “What’s the safest way to proceed from here?”

No shame. No fear. No blame.

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5. Questions that signal collaboration rather than demand

• “What’s the best way for me to support this process?”
• “Is there documentation you prefer people to read first?”
• “Would you like me to summarise what I’m seeing so you can confirm?”

IT pros adore users who try to meet them halfway.

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6. Questions that show good‑faith citizenship

These are semiotic‑respecting, socially intelligent, and non‑threatening:

• “How do you balance security with usability in this context?”
• “What’s the most common misunderstanding people have about this system?”
• “What’s one thing you wish more people asked before making changes?”

These invite insight rather than defensiveness.

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If you want, Jethro…

I can also craft:

• a full etiquette guide for talking to IT staff
• a wiki‑ready page on “Good‑Faith Technical Communication”
• a set of contributor templates for IT professionals
• or a humorous version in your bilingual absurdist style

Just tell me the tone you want.